Let’s talk about kinks and fetishes

Have you ever been called ‘kinky’ before and wondered what exactly you did to earn this title?

If you’re like me, you want clarity. The word is used so often out of context that it barely has any meaning in the real world. It is also conflated with the idea of a fetish, which falls into the same family of sex-related activities but is very different from having a kink.


What is a kink?

There are many ways to describe kinks, but the definition I prefer is simple. A kink is an act or situation that traditionally doesn’t arouse other people or make them think of sex, but it does for you. Kinks run the entire spectrum of the human experience, from the commonplace activities to the oddly specific strange act or experience that is guaranteed to get you thinking about sex.

An oddly specific kink many men have admitted to having is watching people ride motorcycles. Riding a motorcycle couldn’t be less sexual, but there is something about the way the body is positioned on the motorcycle, the way a rider must arch their spine and sit in an elevated squat that makes many men (and women) think of sex.

This is probably why you hear a lot about sexual harassment or inappropriate behaviour on motorcycles.


What is a fetish?

A fetish refers to any tool or act that is integral to your full enjoyment of a sexual encounter. Men who prefer sex without a condom have a bareback fetish. People who are turned on by manicured nails and are turned off if their partner hasn’t had a manicure at least a day before intercourse, have a hand fetish. Once certain conditions have to be met before you can fully immerse yourself in a sexual experience, the missing piece is your fetish.

Kinks are far more fluid than fetishes. Our kinks shift and change based on societal expectations, personal environment, cultural influences. In goth communities, people develop a kink for piercings or tattoos. Our fetishes, however, are largely stagnant. Our enjoyment of a fetish might increase or reduce in intensity, but we rarely stop enjoying fetishes unless we have a traumatic experience. They are both ends of a very diverse spectrum.

Here’s a practical example of how kinks differ from fetishes in practical application. A lot of men are aroused by cold shoulder dresses and blouses, a design element where fabric is cut off on blouses to show a bit of shoulder neckline. It is a kink to be turned on by these specific kinds of blouses. Where a kink graduates into a fetish was if you could get and sustain an erection with your sex partner only when she is wearing a cold shoulder blouse or dress WHILE you both are either engaging in foreplay or penetrative sex.

What is your particular fetish?

Have you had a kink evolve into a fetish?

What’s your weirdest kink?

Tell me in the comments, I’m dying to know.

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