(C) Love Matters | Kolawole Akinwande

Questions to ask a new partner before you have sex

By Shade Mary-Ann Olaoye Thursday, April 8, 2021 - 09:50
When you intend to have sex with someone, in this case, a new partner, it is important that you fulfil your end of the bargain to making it as safe as possible.

Unlike the movies where we see spontaneous sex with little or no consideration for before and after safety measures, the reality of sex in the real world is quite different, and having sex with a new partner entails so much more than a romantic night of hot passion.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to know the answers to these questions. It might seem off and strange asking them, but such questions are important and necessary to both parties for consent, safety, and ultimate pleasure.

Here are some questions you can ask, before you take things to the next level.
What protection are we to use?

This is also a double way of asking them if they engage in safer sex. Take in the case of a one-night stand, you might want to point out the need to use some sort of protection especially a condom that protects you from the risk of contracting STIs and pregnancy for heterosexual sex (contraceptives also). You could also use the condom for lesbian sex as it can serve as a form of dental dam when giving your partner cunnilingus. To do this, cut off the tip of the condom and cut it across so it can spread out on the vagina.

When was your last HIV test or STI test?

Enquiring about the HIV status of your intended partner is a good way to go. Although your partner might be hesitant due to the stigma associated with it. However, try to reassure them it is for the benefit of both. If your intended partner says that they have never been tested or cannot remember when they were tested, you might want to reconsider your decision of having sex with them or take the necessary safety steps and use protection.

Do you want this (or not)?

Sex is better when there is established consent. Asking your partner just how far they would like to go and what things they are and are not open to trying will create an understanding between you two. Talk openly about how you would like your partner to satisfy you, to what extent, and vice versa.

Are you enjoying yourself?

During the activity of sex, be conscious enough to check in what your partner to know if they are also experiencing the same pleasure you are experiencing. Check-in from time to time to constantly reaffirm consent and to see if what you are doing makes them uncomfortable in any way. 

There is nothing to be ashamed of when asking these questions, it doesn’t make you “uncool” or lacking in adventure. Wanting to have safer sex is awesome and shows that you are deliberate about your safety and that you make a conscious effort to ensure it.

If you have more questions on how to talk to teenagers on sex and related topics, kindly reach out to our Moderators on our Facebook Page.

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