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Help! My partner is not satisfying me sexually

By Bolu Akindele Monday, October 12, 2020 - 04:44
Are you having issues with sex in your relationship? Is the lack of sexual chemistry causing a strain in your relationship? Then this article is for you.

Sex (or the prospect of sex) is one of the things that separates romantic relationships from platonic relationships. At some point in your romantic relationship, there will be sex. Depending on your sexual ethic, this might come after a legal joining (marriage), an agreement to be exclusive, after a few dates, or even after the first date.

But not everyone feels satisfied by sex in their marriage. In fact, this situation is more common than we think. A 2015 survey showed that 62 percent of women admitted to not being satisfied with their sex lives.

You deserve, however, maximum sexual satisfaction, as does your partner. It is a two-way street.

 

Here are a few tips to help you navigate having a partner/partners who are not satisfying you sexually
Don’t cheat

The first instinct in this kind of situation is to try someone else in order to satisfy the longing unfulfilled by the partner. If you’re in an exclusive relationship with your partner/partners, this is not advised. You wouldn’t want to break the trust and commitment of your partner because of their inability to satisfy you sexually.

Have a conversation about it

This is often the toughest part of navigating one’s way through this. One’s ego is often attached closely to their sexual performance, and your partner might consider it a belittling to be told that they aren’t fulfilling their partner’s sexual desires. However, putting it to words to the other is both a sign of maturity and a commitment to the relationship. Your partner might not know what’s going on if you don’t tell them. Pick the right time and tone, create a safe space, and then look for a convenient way to bring up the conversation.

Find out what the problem is

There are many reasons why someone might be unable to satisfy the other sexually. One of them is that the person might be new to having sex and unable to figure out their way around their partner's body. Other times, the problem might be fear, erectile dysfunction, or trauma. Before trying anything, it’s helpful to know why your partner is unable to satisfy you sexually. This sets the tone for whatever solution you or your partner might want to employ.

Spend more time during foreplay

Sex is not just penetration. Foreplay – sexual activities that are engaged in before intercourse – is useful in building intimacy and enhancing the sexual experience for you and your partner. Foreplay also guarantees better sex and orgasm.

Teach your partner how to pleasure you

Sex is a learned skill. Your body is also foreign to your partner. Nobody knows and understands your body in the way that you do. Only you know the sensitive parts of your body that can guarantee you maximum pleasure. Helping your partner learn how to pleasure you as well as providing feedback reassures them of your commitment and gives them confidence.

Introduce sex toys

Incorporating sex toys into you and your partner’s sex life are a guaranteed way of switching things up during sex or learning new things about your partner’s body. And now, they have gotten even more accessible. If your partner(s) is interested, you can explore the use of sex toys during sex.

Try other forms of sex

When one partner is sexually frustrated, it is possible that the problem is with the form of sex. You can switch things up in the bedroom and explore other exciting sex styles or forms of sex like flirting, mutual masturbation, or oral sex. If you have sex based on a routine, you might want to ditch that too.

Visit a sex-therapist

A sex-therapist is a qualified professional – counsellor, doctor, or psychologist – who is trained to help people with problems related to sex. Sometimes, the problem of sexual frustration between you and your partner might be medical or psychological that you’re incapable of solving like trauma, mismatched desires, erectile dysfunction, or shame. It is advisable that you and your partner visit a sex therapist who is a neutral third party and is qualified to help you and your partner(s) to salvage the sex problem meaningfully.

Break up

Although harsh, this might be the last resort when all else fails. Sex is a crucial part of the relationship and the inability to establish a connection in bed might spell doom for the future of the relationship. Breaking up might save you and your partner from resentment towards each other and frustration in the relationship.

If you have more questions about sex problems in relationships, kindly reach out to our Moderators on our Facebook Page and we will respond.

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