(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Women’s guide to orgasms

"Only 1 in 10 women get orgasms from penetration." I used to think only circumcised women had difficulty getting orgasms regardless of sexual activity. One problem is a lot of women have not realized sex goes beyond penetration.

If a man shoves his penis in you and doesn't direct his movements, you're likely to make statements like the one above. Contrary to wild statistics, women get multiple orgasms during penetration. In fact, most women lose count of the number of times they orgasm during penetration because if done right, it is like an endless loop of that sensation. When the clitoris is rubbed as in masturbation, the woman gets fewer orgasms. In fact, many women say the orgasm they get from touching themselves comes once and after it's over they're pretty much done. It's almost like it produces an orgasm that rids the body of sexual desires for a while. Some women admitted they stopped getting orgasms from clitoral stimulation once their partners made them orgasm repeatedly from penetration. It's like once you go in, you can't go on... or something.

So what is the truth?

Well, personally I think those women who do not get orgasms from penetration need better partners who are aware of G spots, sensitive areas and angles. I admit some men just shove the meat in and keep at the shoving and retrieving until they are satisfied. Then they kiss their partner and go straight to sleep. However, it is important to know the kind of sexual activity you enjoy and communicate it to your partner

There is no reason to engage in sex if it gives you no pleasure; sex isn't a school test. Men sometimes need you to speak. In fact, anyone you're going to be having regular sex with has to know your body better than you. A woman's body has endless possibilities sexually, so not getting the pleasure that should come to you naturally is your fault unless you communicate. You can learn a lot about the insides of your vagina and the angles that get you off by yourself if you don't have someone you're comfortable learning with. There are books, people to talk to, videos online, forums, even social media users will educate you. However, it could be strictly psychological too.

There was someone who for a long time didn't enjoy sex because her mind didn't let her body relax. She was so terrified of penetration that she felt the pain even before it happened. For almost a year she hated sex and didn't understand why people enjoyed it. One day a friend told her to get inebriated or high and watch a lot of porn and try having sex with her man. She was delivered.

Turns out her fear of penetration and thinking about it too much made her vagina walls shut tightly, hence making every penetration way too forced and she was too scared to get wet naturally. It's called vaginismus.

Once she could relax it was the best experience ever. She has since changed her mind about sex. This may not be the case with everyone, but sometimes it's your mind. Other times your partner doesn't know where to put his tool and he just hurts your walls instead of finding the spot that needs attention. I think every woman who has problems with pleasure during sex should consider getting expert advice or just try to learn about their bodies.

And if you're too shy to ask for help, try discovering your body in the privacy of your room, before engaging in sex with anyone. That way, you know where they should focus on to give you complete satisfaction. It's in your hands.

Do you have questions about getting orgasms during sex? Drop them below or reach out to our Moderators on our Facebook Page.

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