Love Matters | Rita Lino

Why do women fake orgasms?

It is widely known by now that a lot of times, women fake orgasms. Considering the fact that the idea of participating in sex in the first place is to get a release, a lot of people are confused about why anyone will pretend to have gotten release, when they, in fact, didn’t.

The first thing to remember is the concept of women getting pleasure during sex hasn’t been traditional for a long time. Pleasure was seen as something women gave to their men, so it was not usual for a woman to seek her own pleasure without the society turning their noses up at her. Women have only recently become more intentional about seeking their own satisfaction and till date, some still choose not to, so as not to be judged. Others just don’t know how to go about it, so they just stick to faking it.

One thing a lot of people do not realize is that sex is way more than the orgasm, for most people. It’s the entire process that they enjoy. But people have been made to believe that getting an orgasm is the only important aspect to sex and so all their focus is placed on that. This poses a problem because, for women, an orgasm needs to be built up. You cannot skip foreplay and expect any form of build-up to an orgasm.

While there are some women who find it easy to reach orgasms, it is still not very common. So you need to be great at foreplay if you want your partner to reach climax.


Foreplay is more important than most people realize. It is where the pressure grows. It is what determines how the sex is going to go and what makes the woman’s body more receptive to the main event. But in order for foreplay to be successful, you need to know what parts of the woman’s body to stimulate and make sure what you’re doing is actually pleasing her. This is where communication comes in. But communication is easier if;

  • You’re both comfortable with each other. This comes more easily to people in committed relationships than people who are just having casual sex. This is because a committed relationship means you spend more time together and learn more about each other.
  • The woman is experienced enough to know what stimulates her body and is confident to talk about it.
  • The man actually cares about making sure the woman gets an orgasm.



However, it is common knowledge that in a lot of cases, women will choose to fake orgasms and while some reasons are complicated, the most common reasons are sometimes simple.

Here are some known reasons why women will sometimes opt for faking an orgasm;

  1. A lot of women believe the sex ends at the man’s orgasm. For a lot of women, (and this is mostly because of cultures and traditions that place the man’s needs above the woman’s) the value of every sexual encounter is placed on the man’s orgasm and so that is all the women focus on. As soon as the man starts to orgasm, the woman knows the sex is over and so she performs her own pleasure for his enjoyment.
  2. Movies and romance novels have created an unrealistic sexual standard that is frankly unattainable in reality. In romance novels and in movies, the sex is always pleasurable, no matter how devoid of passion or foreplay it is. The woman always appears to be having a good time, no matter how dry she is and no matter how rough or awkward her partner’s attempt at foreplay is. And somehow, the woman always has an orgasm at the same time as the man. Some women truly believe something is wrong with them when things don’t go so smoothly and they don’t have orgasms at the end of a sexual encounter. So in order to seem normal, they pretend to have gotten satisfaction too.
  3. A lot of women have very little knowledge of their own bodies. We still have a lot of women teaching women that exploring their sexuality is wrong, so there are a lot of women with very little knowledge of sex having sex and getting no satisfaction from it. It’s more like a duty for them in their relationships or marriages. These women who do not know how to get pleasure for themselves, usually just want to get the sex over with. For them, it’s like a chore and they only see it as an activity they have to indulge in routinely.
  4. For casual sex, communication isn’t as easy, because there isn’t that familiarity that makes such topics easy to discuss. Due to this problem, most casual sex partners will find themselves pretending to enjoy certain things, so as not to hurt the ego of the other person who believes they’re giving their partner the time of their life. They give fake responses and urge their partners on, even though the act does nothing for them. The absence of these discussions leaves both parties dissatisfied and resorting to theatrics, to avoid awkward moments.

Frankly, people who intend to have sexual relationships should discuss their preferences first. Get to know each other’s bodies and explore all the pleasure points. That is the only way you wouldn’t have to put your acting prowess into use when you should simply be getting the best out of your sexual experiences. Faking an orgasm does not ever have to be on the agenda, sex should either be enjoyed or not indulged in at all.

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