Love Matters | Rita Lino

Five Nigerian ladies discuss masturbation and sex toys

By Tolu Omoyeni Thursday, September 3, 2020 - 18:25
Conversations around women and masturbation are rarely had in the Nigerian context but what exactly do women in the country feel about self-pleasure and sex toys.

Masturbation is the act of stimulating one's genitals to achieve sexual pleasure. Men masturbate. Women do too, almost as frequently as men, according to research. Topics surrounding male masturbation are rife on the internet, and men casually discuss their wanking experiences. But women?

Over the years, female masturbation has been a taboo subject. It shall never be heard or spoken off that women touch themselves for sexual pleasure as such information casts doubts on the ability of their men to satisfy them. Although studies prove that it is healthy, female masturbation continues to attract stigma and shame. Among women, there is a divide. Though they can't speak of it, many women engage in solo sex while others consider it an addictive habit that has damaging effects.

We asked five single Nigerian women about masturbation, sex toys and their openness to discuss the topic with friends. Here's how that went:

 

Chidinma, 29

On masturbation: I think every woman should know her body and feel comfortable with it. For many years, I preached against masturbation because I considered it a sin. I still do that occasionally. Sigh! The truth is that I get caught between believing it's a sin because of what I learned from religious teachers and being indifferent about it because it's my body after all. I now tell myself that it's not wrong to be horny, I'm human, and I can engage in self-pleasure when I want. I have read a lot of blogs and resources that attribute masturbation to sexual liberation for women, and I am now convinced that it is essential to create a relationship with my body. As a celibate Christian, it is exhausting fighting my urges and desires. I started to masturbate in my mid-twenties and on the days I do, my body feels relieved, but I seldom enjoy it because I feel a sense of guilt right after.

On sex toys: I have never bought or used a sex toy, and I honestly don't think I want to invest in one right now.

On discussing masturbation with friends: LOL! Thinking about it now, I have never had a conversation with my friends about this. We talk about sex, orgasms and everything else but masturbation. I think that's wild, but I genuinely hope that one day, we can openly have these conversations.

 

Davina, 31

On masturbation: I tried masturbating a couple of times in the past, but it didn't do anything for me. I ended up frustrated and bored, but that could have been my mind playing tricks on me. That said, I have nothing against it at all. I am an advocate for female masturbation as women will not always have access to a penis. They need to be able to pleasure themselves either with a toy or their hands.

On sex toys: I have never purchased a sex toy, but I intend to get one soon though. Based on recommendations, I am going for the rabbit vibrator. Hopefully, with this toy, masturbating will be more fun for me.

On discussing masturbation with friends: Yes, I have discussed masturbation with my girlfriends a couple of times. We talked about our experiences – fun or otherwise, toys and which ones worked for them. They even made some recommendations. It is fun when we have such conversations because everyone lights up and share as much as they can. I get that a lot of ladies do not like to discuss these things. Even among my friends, there are one or two people who keep mute when the topic is raised. We need to start normalizing these conversations.

 

Aisha, 25

On masturbation: For me, it's straightforward. Work for your orgasm if you cannot get a man to pleasure you. Female masturbation is extremely important because it helps women understand and explore their bodies so they can guide their partners accordingly.

On sex toys: Nope! I've never bought a toy. I love human contact. First off, men are readily available when you need sex. Secondly, my fingers satisfy me just fine. I have never felt the need to own a sex toy.

On discussing masturbation with friends: I am the chief of discussing sex and masturbation with my friends. It is very typical in my circle. I recently helped a friend find her spots and advised her on how to explore her body to the point of deriving pleasure. She had complained that she never enjoyed sex and found it to be painful, so we found a solution for her. Masturbation always works. I'm glad I can pleasure myself and equally happy my friends can. It is empowering in a lot of ways.

 

Adebusola, 27

On masturbation: Hmmmm! My take on the topic of masturbation is each person should do what works for them. Female and male masturbation has both physical and psychological effects, and there are many published studies to back that up. I guess some women find some sort of liberation in it, but I honestly don't think it's a healthy habit. For me, I steer clear.

On sex toys: Sex toy? Hahaha! Maybe I'd be open to it when I get married and can explore the idea with my husband. Until then, it's no. What would be the purpose now? No way!

On discussing masturbation with friends: No, I do not. Thinking about it now, masturbation is the least likely thing to come up in a conversation with my friends, at least it hasn't happened so far. I don't even see it coming up at any point. We don't roll that way.

 

Ekemini, 24

On masturbation: I genuinely think women should engage in masturbation once in a while. The feeling is different in a good way. It is different from regular sex. But I must add that it can be addictive and can affect how you have sex.

On sex toys: I have a dildo, and I am planning on getting a vibrator soon.

On discussing masturbation with friends: I remember the day I casually mentioned my dildo among my friends, I got weird looks. I knew never to raise the subject again. It's funny that we talk about sex but have never spoken about masturbation. When we were in school, my friends used to be very shy to discuss sex, but I was the open one who gave them all the gist. As time passed, some of them got comfortable and started talking to me about it privately before we graduated to talking about it as a group. I understand their reluctance. Hopefully, we can move to the phase of discussing masturbation.

 

 

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