Loving someone in a relationship

“You can’t choose who you love.” You have probably heard that statement before and thought, oh please, that is what people that cheat always say. Well, you have to have gone through it to understand how true that statement is.

It is very normal for people to have specs, You have that perfect combination of qualities that make you get all mushy inside. These qualities are usually split into physical and behavioural.

Yours could be a glass of tall dark and handsome with a side of rich and caring. Or maybe you prefer them chubby with a bit of a stomach added to a sprinkling of wildness. Whatever your cup of tea, when you find them, it feels really good and you let yourself fall, hard.

The issue here is that life does try to get its kicks through us sometimes. It waits until you are safely in a great relationship before that perfect lady or gentleman crosses your path. 

Or if the shoe is on the other leg, you meet someone that you vibe with so hard but then you find out that they are already spoken for. That is when you start wishing hard that someone had invented the time machine. Maybe if you could have met them before their current partner, you both could have made it work.



Trying to make it work

You know that the person you have fallen in love with already has a partner, but you are at the point when you don’t regard that little piece of information. You try to live in the moment, enjoy whatever happiness you can create with them.

Maybe you chat all day even though you know they are doing the same with their partners, but you ignore it. You go out on dates once in a while, play dress up but you know you are going home alone that night and they aren’t.

Sometimes, it feels like you are maybe making some progress, maybe you are making headway emotionally or physically, but then something happens with their significant other and they pull away.

It constantly seems like you take 1 step forward and then 3 steps backwards, emotions all over the place, for both of you. You are willing to go all the way, but they are not ready to leave their great relationship for another possibly great one with you.


What to do

Do any of these scenarios sound like something you might be going through or something you have experienced before? If yes, then you know how frustrating and thrilling it can be, all at the same time. It is not healthy to be having topsy-turvy feelings like that. So, you either find a way to deal with it properly or move on. Here are some practical tips.

  • Work through your feelings

    Loving someone you cannot have can be gut-wrenching and saddening. That amount of constant emotional turmoil is not healthy. The first step in getting through it is to get through it.

    Do not bottle up your feelings or lock them away somewhere deep down, they will just come back up sometime later and bite you in the ass when you least expect it. Acknowledge your feelings and then deal with them; it will help you move on.

  • Make yourself a priority

    Ask yourself, when was the last time you did something for yourself, made yourself happy, took a You Day, bought something for yourself. Practice some self-love, it could help you stop obsessing over that person.

  • Surround yourself with loved ones

    If the love of your crush is unattainable, then surround yourself with love that is. It is a good idea to stay close to and surround yourself with your friends and family during this period. Their unconditional love could be the balm that you need to soothe the ache of unfulfilled love.

  • Don’t give up on love

    Okay, this might sound cliché but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Don’t let your takeaway from this experience be that loving anyone is not worth it. It is and you will eventually find that person that will erase the bad taste of this experience from your mouth. 

     But you won’t get to meet that person if you give up. You will find that person that will be free to love you and choose you. 

It is hard, loving someone who is already in a relationship, whether they love you back or not. It is even harder when you have to watch them be with someone else. 

You have to start thinking of yourself and your mental health and take practical steps to get yourself out of that situation. It won’t be easy, but you will have gained a bigger capacity to love, and the person that will appreciate that and make you whole will find you.

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