Love Matters | Rita Lino

Dating while Plus Size

Dating in the 21st century seems like a herculean task and it can be a bit difficult when you are plus size for a myriad of reasons – including expectations from society.

Ada took off her shoes and her wig as fast as she could. She wanted to jump into the shower quickly to wash off yet another disappointing date. She had met the guy on a dating app, and it had felt like a perfect match. They had a very good conversation before they finally scheduled a date. Unlike her normal self, Ada was not so apprehensive before the date – this one felt like it would click. But alas, all he wanted to talk about during the date was how he did not know she was this big and he should have insisted on a full picture. All that vibe and connection, down the drain.

She stood under the hot shower and reminisced about how many of such disappointments she had endured so far. All the unsolicited advice on losing weight and the comments about her great personality, regardless. She just wanted to be loved normally, and sexually too!

Everyone wants love regardless of size. However, bigger men and women find it somewhat more difficult to find love. This is perpetuated by the general societal opinion that bigger people are unhealthy and undesirable. On the flip side, many plus-size people complain about being fetishized and feeling uncomfortable with that scenario. It is usually one of the two extremes – totally unwanted or overly fetishized. Many plus-size people find themselves in situations where their partners love being with them in private, but not in public – further perpetuating the stereotype that big people are not presentable.

  • Fall in love with yourself

    This may sound cliché or silly but the first place to start is with yourself. Stand naked in front of a mirror often and admire yourself. Love every curve, flap, and surface of your body. Embrace your fupa. Get to know yourself and become comfortable in your skin. If you are not comfortable, your awkwardness will project and become visible to other people.

  • Be open about it

    Tell prospective dates that you are plus size – get it out of the way early. If they have a problem with it, they are not for you and why bother wasting your time going on a date with them? You are not a joke, but it also helps to joke about it. Don’t take yourself too seriously. As the popular saying goes, you cannot shame the shameless. Develop the right size attitude that goes with your weight. And, if anybody gives you rubbish, da pada, in other words, return it!

  • Dress the part

    Ensure that when you dress, you accentuate your best features. The good Lord gave you curves for a reason, flaunt them! Dress nice, smell good and be altogether delicious. Go for outfits that compliment your body type and don’t try to make yourself look or feel small in tight ill-fitting clothes. Embrace your fabulosity.

  • Examine your motive

    You might also want to examine and be truthful to yourself about your motives for wanting a partner. If they have to do with issues of low self-esteem or not being comfortable alone, you should address that. 

  • Work on it

    We are only adding this last tip in case you still feel the need to lose the weight. If it bothers you so much and nothing else helps, do something about it.

Regardless of what the scale reads when you step on it, we are all deserving of love and most importantly, respect. If a plus-size person is not your preference, move on. Don’t lead them on or hide them indoors. Waka pass make dem see road see another person.

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