Ask a woman what she wants
Over the years we have been obsessed with the question of “what women want”, with over twenty books published on the subject including the best-selling book ‘What do Women Want?’ by Daniel Bergner.
This obsession with finding out what women want is unfortunate because it plays into the narrative that women are such complicated beings who do not communicate feelings or who say one thing and mean another which is sexist.
This sort of thinking has been prevalent for many years and it often encourages sexual violence against women. Where no means I will keep trying until she says yes and where I do not want to give you my number means she is just fronting, she will eventually come around. Men are interpreted as logical beings who communicate clearly and very effectively so it is often not difficult to figure out what we want, but women are depicted differently.
This is not an article to dissect gender and its many flawed interpretations in our society today but just one to let men know that figuring out what women want is not rocket science, its as simple as asking them. I remember during my graduation from the university there was a girl who was the best graduating student in her faculty and her then-boyfriend proposed right there Infront of everyone. The girl said no and left him kneeling in front of everyone, it was so embarrassing. A few days later I caught up with her and she said she loved him and still wanted to marry him, but she did not appreciate a public proposal. She went on to say “if he had simply asked me or listened all the times, I said I didn’t like public proposals it would have been avoided”. Do you now see where I am going with this?
Finding out what a woman wants is very easy because you could just ask her, but as I said earlier it is very sexist to assume that women are monolithic beings who ALL want the same thing. Some women appreciate material gifts more than words of affirmation, some want validation, some do not want to be smothered by your affection, some do. It is up to you to figure out what the woman in your life wants by asking her directly and by listening when she is talking about it.
An argument can be made that there are things all women may want, things like love, respect, truth etc. While this may be the case there will always be a diversity of wants and order of importance to individual women and the only way to really find out is to ask. I have seen many surprises ruined, many gifts unappreciated and many of what would have been very thoughtful gestures rejected by women all because their men simply did not know what they wanted and never bothered to find out.
So how about we change the question to what does this woman want? What does Nkechi want? What does Bola want? What does Ekaette want? And you know the best way to find out? By asking Nkechi, Bola and Ekaette!
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