Tips on how to be your own person in a relationship

While it is important for partners to be intimate, to love and dot on each other, it is equally important that they develop independence and grow on their own even within a relationship.

Many believe that for a relationship to be considered a relationship, partners have to spend more time together and less time apart. That they must engage in all activities together and have very similar and tailored interests. While this might be good, it could also be a recipe for disaster.

Often times, we see people in relationship losing a sense of themselves and forgetting what their lives used to be like before the relationship. They tend to lose focus whilst forget what kept them occupied and made them happy as an individual. As people in relationships, it is easy to get sunk into planning dates, trips, events, and activities as a couple until your life is completely taken over and you have no sense of self anymore.

Make no mistakes, it is absolutely delightful to do things as a couple but when you find yourself questioning your identity, then it is time to take a step back.

  • Have a sense of self

    Learning how to establish and stay grounded in your identity is vital and will help you say no in situations that you need to say no to or might distort your personal growth. You should have a good grasp of your emotions, understanding your wants and needs while looking at the overall plan for your life.

  • Have an activity that is entirely yours

    Being in a relationship is beautiful because you get to share moments and create memories but while you do all of that, have an event, a day that is set aside for only you. This will give you balance, help you to stay on course, and remind you of your personal interests and what you might be missing.

  • Remember you are two individuals

    When you are in a relationship, do not forget that you and your partner are two individuals who were going on two separate journeys before love linked you two. Learn to be your own person, do not rely entirely on your partner to make all decisions for you, or cater to your every need. You are still the person who is solely responsible for yourself.

  • Do not lose your friends

    People in relationships tend to develop a new network of friends or integrate their friends into each other. Even at that, even when you all become buddies, try as much as possible to retain the connections in your friendships. Keep doing the things you do with them, try hanging out together without your partner. This will give you a sense of self and help you retain joy.

It feels amazing and stable when you do these things with your partner, but do your best not to put the relationship under a lot of pressure by trying to live up to unrealistic standards. Retain your passions, find new hobbies that can engage, and help you achieve your potential.


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