Figuring out what you want in relationships

Making decisions is one of the tough jobs associated with adulthood. Even more so when it has to do with love, sex, and relationships.

Regardless of the independence and free will that comes with age, and the easiness we think it is to say that this is what we want, who we want, sometimes, making that choice can be hard work because you either do not know what you want at the moment, or you are not sure enough. 

Figuring out what you want when it comes to matters of the heart is not always as easy as it sounds. There is so much it entails like the choice of who you want to be with, spend the rest of your life with, or have sex with.  However, the truth is life and the human condition sets in and there are certain deal breakers that comes with that person you think might be the one.

  • Know what you do not want

    If we were asked to draw up a list of things we want from our partners, it would be long, endless and revolving. But a list, stating out the things we do not want or cannot put up with would be more specific and targeted.

    That list could start with, I do not want; to settle (for someone who does not excite my body), be stifled (by a partner who does not see my full potential or be tied down (by someone who is not seeking to be financially stable) When you know these things that generally do not fit into the workings of the kind of relationship you want for yourself, you would find it easier to let go and lean towards the person that might.

  • Think ahead

    This does not necessarily mean plan for the future (if it scares you), take small doses. Think of what the next day will be like with the person you are in a romantic relationship with. Especially when they have given you reasons to think. Are they verbally abusive, are they emotionally exhausting or is there a certain habit of theirs you cannot overlook? Think, what would become of your state of mind, and body if you stayed longer than you should.

  • Follow your heart

    One of the ways of figuring out what you want from the connection you share with someone is letting your heart guide you. Do they make you happy, do you love every minute you spend with them? The point is to listen to your inner self and see if you have found what you seek.

  • Work with your goals

    Ideally, we all have goals, either long term or short term. For every aspect of our lives be it career-wise, family, relationship, education, we all have a plan we intend to achieve. Work with that, see if the next step you are about to take with this person is right for your big picture.

Do you have questions about figuring out what you want in relationships? Drop them below or reach out to our Moderators on our Facebook Page.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think


Bold facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships




Click Love matters Naija to send us a message and we will respond shortly.

× Chat with us